Election 2010, the end?

12 05 2010

Six days ago was my last day at Uni for the year but that’s not why I woke up a little excited (I’m not referring to my morning wood). It was time to do my democratic duty. A hop, skip and a jump to my polling station and I was amazed to find I was the only voter there.

One week later and there is, what looks like a very poor Pet Shop Boys tribute band having a love-in in the garden of Downing Street. We have a new prime minister and, for the first time in 13 years, a new party in power. Yet Cameron has to play nice with Clegg to live in number 10.

Though I never wanted a Tory PM at least we have the Libs in there to keep things from going a bit too Eton. A lot of Lib Dem voters are a bit dismayed at their party siding with the dark side but I think Clegg has played a blinder and giving his lot their first taste of power for 90 odd years. When, on Monday, he opened formal talks with the Labour Party he did his duty to the country by looking at every option and probably managed to squeeze more out of the Tories. Some silly woman rang Jeremy Vine to complain that this shouldn’t be allowed to happen and the Conservatives should be in power. SHUT IT WOMAN, we were witnessing the wonders of democracy being performed as they were meant to be.

Uncle Gordon had handed in his cards by this stage and probably earned more respect by that gesture than anything he’d done in the last three years. Jeremy Vine had to entertain the idiot classes again with this one. “We’ll get another  Prime Minister we didn’t vote for” I was tempted  to calling and inform the snot brained fools that in this country you don’t vote for the PM  you want, you vote for the party you want to run the country and whoever their leader runs the shop, OK?

Brown’s stepping down kicks off the race to see who takes over to lead the opposition, David Miliband has already stated he fancies his chances and I hope he gets it. Also being talked about are Alan Johnson, Ed Balls, Harriet Harman and Yvette cooper. Oooohhh don’t forget Ed Miliband, that would be fun to watch, him and David fighting it out: “Yeah well you used to piss in my bathwater.”

It’s all being so much fun I think we should have another election next week.


5 05 2010

We started with a question regarding Cameron’s impression of Clegg. Hague was quick to claim victory for the Tories and slag Brown about his lack of agreeing with Nick. Campbell loved having his boss in the limelight and spoke of how the media have ignored him but all the Lib Dems knew he was great for years. Ann Leslie, even though she is a Tory voter, did stick the boot into Cameron and had a bit of a go at Clegg for being a bit of a nobody then praised Brown for managing to remain standing. The Welsh lad said they were all just the same person, agreeing about pensions, the Pope’s visit, Afghanistan and the expenses scandal. Yvette cooper took on a strong pro-Europe stance, funny that it was Cameron’s weak point.

Anyhow a question was asked by a gentleman called Otto who I had got talking to outside and I knew what he was going to ask, I was determined to be heard. “Following the stories of donations going straight into Nick Clegg’s bank accounts, are the Lib Dems really any different to any of the other parties?”

This gave Hague another chance to go for the jugular, claiming Clegg had no right to carry on his holier than thou attitude. Campbell defended it (weakly) saying the donor hadn’t been given a peerage, but the money is now spent and that Clegg did give copies of his accounts to the House of Commons authorities.

Look at the screen while this point is been made and you see me, hand aloft itching to get stuck in. Then at 24mins and 55secs in my big television debut. I decide to compliment Gordon Brown on his performance in the debate before asking why he talks about cleaning up politics while still putting up candidates who were caught up in the expenses scandal.

Yvette Cooper was given the opportunity to reply and I was so excited about having just been on telly I forgot to listen. When she finished talking there was a round of applause which, instinctively, I joined in on. Having since watched it back I realise she just avoided my question and I should have really stood up and shouted at her.

The next topic was: Will a hung parliament be damaging to the UK? Campbell straight off with a no and saying Ken Clarke shouldn’t be saying such. Hague tried to counter this but Campbell kicked his arse. He did raise a couple of sniggers but his judo skills didn’t help in this verbal affray.

A great comment from the audience followed when discussing economic recovery that taking money from small business’ and giving it to the state was such a waste we may as well burn it (how dare this man try to upstage me on my big night).

Leslie was complaining that her vote didn’t count where she lived because it was such a strong Labour seat; Sir Menzies was quick to point out that if it wasn’t a first past the post system this wouldn’t happen. Cooper very nearly stumbled but caught herself in time before uttering when Gordon was elected Prime Minister (that never happened Yvette hee hee).

So who won well in this order:

1-Sir Menzies Campbell

2-That fellow from Wales

3-Hague and Cooper drawing

5-The frightful right-wing hack.


24 04 2010

In my capacity as your guide through the madness that is the election campaign I put myself on the front line for you all, jumped on the grenade by agreeing to be in the same room as William Hague, and attended Question Time in Greenwich.

QT Sudio

I was required to get there at 18:00 to watch the leaders debate before hand, this didn’t start until 20:00 so I stuffed myself with BBC cheese and pickle sandwiches for two hours. Then into the studio with approx 150-200 others to watch round 2 of the debates on Sky.

The biggest laugh of the evening from the crowd went to David Cameron’s outstanding impression of Nick Clegg (Rory Bremner recently complained about how difficult it was to do an impression of Clegg, maybe he should go round to Tory HQ for lessons). Brown got a great dig in early comparing the other two to his children arguing at bath time. Cameron then got beaten up by Clegg on the question of Europe; he couldn’t defend accusations that he was siding with the far right parties in Brussels. He did have his moment to shine when he accused Brown and Labour of lying in their election leaflets when claiming the Tories were going to make basic cuts to the NHS.  The last laugh of the evening went to Clegg, when discussing deporting illegal immigrants he said the government can’t deport them if they don’t know where they come from.


Happily I was spared the usual nonsense of all the parties claiming they won the debate, I had to rehearse for my appearance on national television. And that’s what we did for the next hour and a half. Mock panelists asked mock questions by an audience getting all giddy at the thought of being on television.

Then the man himself appeared, David Dimbelby, he took a quick audience poll to see who won the debate and the majority went with Clegg. Sir Menzies Campbell could be spotted in the wings giving a thumbs up, to join him on the panel were Yvette Cooper, the work and pension secretary, Elfyn Llwyd, Welsh fellow if you hadn’t guessed already, leader of Plaid Cymru, Dame Ann Leslie, former journalist for The Daily Mail and William Hague, the shadow foreign secretary, who is surprisingly tall and, as we were to learn before going on air, practices judo.

Then it was lights, camera……

images from: futilitymonster.files.wordpress.com/…/qt.jpg



20 04 2010

I’ve decided to have a little look see at how the papers are holding up to their position as the forth estate in the coverage of the elections. So we’ll begin over here on the left with a look at The Independent.

This paper was recently bought by the Russian billionaire Alexander Lebedev for a pound and that’s the same amount I paid for it today.

The front page has the decency not to bombard us with the election instead opting for one small picture of Cameron and ‘Election 2010 Pages 9-15’. True to their word they avoid all mention of anything Westminster until page 9 and I get to read about that volcano instead. Then everything goes very Lib Dem, that wouldn’t have been the case a week ago.

No deal with Cameron after the election, say Lib Dem voters

And off we go on our swing that always goes to the left. Labour remain ignored by the headline writers all the way to page 12, instead we’re told about Tory damage limitation for the ‘worst campaign in history’ and then it’s Lib Dem heaven. Articles that paint a wonderful human picture of the party’s struggle to satisfy the media attention since last Thursday’s Nick Clegg show.

When we do get to the current goverment it’s a piece on, not quite flavour of the month/what was your husband watching on telly? Jacqui Smith. Yes the epicentre of the expenses scandal, The Independent make sure to remind us of this in a separate insert into the main story. It is a fairly forgiving piece; painting Jacqui as a woman about to embark on the fight of her life to retain her seat. They describe her as ‘ refreshingly accessible’ when comparing getting an interview with her as opposed to the stories they have heard about her and lambast the Tories for not already making her Redditch seat a certainty.

The Tories get the double spread of the last two pages for an interview withMichael Grove the shadow Secretary for State and Schools. It’s the usual get the digs in carry on between the two parties. Petty stuff initially, how the Tories will change the name back to the Department for Education, before the Labour mess ups get a mention. ‘It’s profoundly wrong that children can be re-admitted to schools where the head has excluded them’ smaller class size, reform of the exam system, you don’t need me to tell you, we all know this tune.

The Independent is good, you really know you’re miles away from tabloid land but it just doesn’t light a fire under the bottom.

Gotta go now, Paxman’s on telly.


18 04 2010

And agree with him they did. In fact they did little else. Like two people trying to attract a confused dog. “Nick, Nick if it’s a hung parliament come to us, we’ll do that.”

Yes last Thursday what was meant to be a showdown between two party leaders with someone else there turned into the Nick Clegg show. Brown wanted to be his mate Call me Dave cosied up to him and the next morning the Great British public wanted to adopt him. In previous posts (All To Vote For) I may have compared Mr. Clegg to a glass of water or such like but had the election being held on Friday he would have got my vote.

As Posh Banter has already pointed out he had nothing to lose but he also managed to make people believe that there really is another option apart from the same old two. Paxman interviewed him last week and began the interview with “To begin on planet Earth, you’re not going to win the election are you?” (Paxman is a legend) but he wouldn’t be so quick to make that statement this week.

Clegg did mention he was from Sheffield about 400 times which was slightly annoying and his mentioning all the question askers by name in his summing up did stink of PR advice but he held himself well.

Uncle Gordon made me laugh when he thanked Cameron for making him smile in the Tory posters and getting a cheeky dig in about Lord Ashcroft paying for their campaign. He was the same old brown blundering his way through his answers until somebody asked something about the economy and suddenly he came to life. Everything about him changed from his body language to the power in his voice, the other two knew not to question him too hard on this subject as he really knew his stuff.

David Cameron was also there. I’m sorry David I just can’t remember anything you said, even the most arch conservative would struggle to claim you won the deb


10 04 2010

All my instincts are being brought into question, Newsnight and Question Time need to come round my house and place me on a pedestal for all politicians to come and gaze at. For I tell you this is what one looks like, a real life in the flesh one. Yes it’s a DUM DUM DUUUUUUMMMMMM:


My vote on May 6th could go in any direction I really cannot decide who’s box to put my utterly desirable tick into (please don’t consider yourself included in my options Nick Griffin; I’d rather lick an old tramp’s balls than vote for your lot). It’s more than likely that I’m gonna go to one of the big three so let’s have a little look see at my options.

THE LABOUR PARTY: The incumbents. My moral compass tells me to go with Labour, in power since 1997. Read the tabloids and they really have it in for Brown, now he’s doing stupid interviews with Piers “vile-face” Morgan to win votes. But it seems to be working, the massive lead the Tory Party had late last year is fast disappearing. I like Brown the politician as opposed to Brown the personality. My favourite politician is David Miliband, the current Foreign Secretary, if he was the leader of Labour, as was rumoured about to happen a few years back, they would be guaranteed my vote, alas their other “big gun” Alistair Darling is like a wet weekend in Brighton.

THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: The Liberal Democrats have a leader, in the Sky News Leaders Debate picture he’s the one at the back you never quite noticed. An inoffensive man, he probably eats, sleeps and does a poo like the most average man in Britain. They do however have a not-so-secret-weapon in the form of the economic authority Vince Cable. The man who predicted the credit crunch and the recession; although he hasn’t always being right he has the most respected opinion on all things financial in an election that is all about the economy. The Lib Dems also believe that education is too important to make cuts to and, as any free loading student will tell you, they’re right.

THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY: Now before you all start having a go, I know I said I loathe the Tories and would never vote for them. But, and it’s a big but, they seem to be taking this election more seriously than the other two. David Cameron falls under the category of someone I should hate but don’t; the Shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, falls under the category of someone I should hate and do. George did, however, send me a letter asking me what I would like him to do with the economy, he also sent it to everyone else in Britain but at least he wrote which is more than Vince or Alastair did. In my capacity as a up and coming journalist I recently attempted to get an interview with each of the party leaders and I’m surprised  to say Cameron was by far the politest in telling me no.

So you lot there you have it, who shall I vote for? I really don’t know so I invite you and yours to come and canvas me.